Jhoen Buenaventura's Blogs

Random Musings on Holy Thursday

20 March 2008
(Random Musings on Holy Thursday)

I just returned yesterday from a grace-filled 8-day retreat as part of our spiritual preparations for our Diaconate Ordination in June, please God.  It was held in a very serene retreat house called Casa Divin Maestro (House of the Divine Master) located in Arricia, in the outskirts of Rome and overlooking the captivating Lake Albano.

In one word, I could only describe the experience as AWESOME! As I write this blog, I am still overwhelmed remembering the depth of our faith encounter which the Good Lord has allowed all of us -- the candidates for ordination -- to experience in those blessed eight days.

Allow me to share a simple work of art that I had spontaneously created in the morning of our 6th day, after enjoying an ample time for solitude.  With only a flip chart and some colored pens as my available resources, anchored with the serenity of the place as my only ambience, I allowed myself to express through art my abstract impression of my "journey through and with the cross" in all these years of trek to the Priesthood.  You see, I have always been an insecure artist. I have always thought that the art of drawing or painting is one of my 'waterloos'.  But that morning, I realized that when I am deeply inspired, and given the great opportunity to relax and enjoy silence, I could actually draw. Eureka!  I might already be creating an impression that I am so proud of my creation and that it was truly a masterpiece.  It is not! It is, in fact, very basic. But the best part of the experience was the realization that, indeed, all our inner potentialities are best actualized not so much on the actual "doing" but on the "beingness" that we bring to it. Simply put, if our soul is truly present in anything that we do, a lot of wonderful things happen.

This brings to mind one of my favorite quotes from Sanaya Roman and Duane Packer: "Embrace fully your capacity to create, to think in unlimited ways, and to pursue everything that you have been wanting. Be flexible, open and willing to let the new come to you. This can be the most joyous, prosperous, and creative time of your life."

This is a sepia photo version of my humble creation.  Each colour and fraction of the whole abstracted cross represents various stages in my vocation journey. 

ooooooooooOoooooooooo

 Today, Holy (or Maundy) Thursday is when we commemorate the day when Christ celebrated passover with His apostles.  It was the day when he gave them a new commandment to love one another as He loved them.  This love is shown in service. 

During the Supper, He washed the feet of the apostles and instituted the Sacrament of the Eucharist and Holy Priesthood, placing himself forever at the service of the Church.

The Mass makes effectively present the events which took place on that night and is the source from which all the other sacraments flow and towards which they all lead.

On this evening, the old Jewish rite gives way to the new sacrifice given to the Church by Christ.

ooooooooooOoooooooooo

Here is a video catechesis created and produced by the Catholic Bishop's Conference of the Philippines (CBCP).  My beloved bishop, Most Rev. Soc Villegas of the Diocese of Balanga (Bataan) talks about Holy Thursday. Bishop Soc is also the chair of the CBCP Commission on Catechesis and Catholic Education.

 
Jhoen c",)

 

Transition... Evolution... Vocation!

Discovery of one’s unique calling can be like a roller coaster ride, a trek that can truly make or break someone depending on the authenticity of his or her quest.  Mine took thirty years of colorful journey…

My earliest recollection of attraction to the priesthood was during my early years in the primary grade.  I was 8 years old when I became a choir member and altar server and it was at this point when my passion for service all started.  As a young boy, the enticement to the ordained ministry was basically superficial.  It was all about fascination to priests – i.e., their garments, their work, etc.  But I never realized that it was already God’s creative hands at work…

My vocation got its primary nurturance from my family.  My parents have inculcated in my heart and mind the value of prayer, love, sacrifice, and responsibility.  Because of this, my active involvement in the church flourished until I was in secondary school, in various capacities as a youth leader.

At age 16, with all the idealism and high hopes of a teenager, I tried to respond to God’s invitation by becoming an aspirant of a religious congregation.  I thought I was ready and it was God’s appointed time. But after a year, my formators decided otherwise. I was not accepted to the next stage of formation. I was still emotionally unprepared.

That experience was painful and humbling.  Having lived in the environment of highly supportive and caring people, where “praises” and “claps” are guaranteed whenever I would perform admirably, I have become so strongly externally-referented in my undertakings.  It created in me an unconscious expectation that failures are unacceptable and that the world would only understand and offer their “claps” whenever I would have achievements, and only through that I could sustain.  Hence, relentless “proving”, for the longest time, was the game I played which led to restlessness in various forms.  But true enough, every sad event has an underlying gift.  It made my voyage more grounded, meaningful and empowering.  It also compelled me to humbly invite myself to STOP, LOOK (inside) and LISTEN.  Anchored on God’s love and mercy, I listened conscientiously!  The best message I heard was “to take responsibility over myself, even without the ‘claps’ that the world offers” and that I have to “consciously exert effort to develop my solid sense of self”.  Ergo, “giving me power from within” so I could carry on despite the failures.  Whew!... A big transition indeed.  But, the million-dollar-question is: “Was it an easy and short process?”  Definitely NOT!  I was around 17 years of age when it happened and it took me another 13 more years to unearth heaps and heaps of “gold mines” deep within my very soul.  They were just waiting for me to unravel the mysteries surrounding them.  Just like the great Greek mathematician Archimedes who, according to legend, shouted “eureka!” when he solved a particularly vexing problem posed to him by King Hieron II, there were “eureka” moments that transpired in my journey, with all their accompanying twists and turns… many of them.

After the experience, I surmised that priesthood was not for me but life had to move on.  While pursuing college, the zeal for service continued, especially in my active linkage to the parish where I belong.  This was manifested in various ways where I was able to maximize my own giftedness and talents.

My exposure to the “real world” expanded too.  I tested my niche in the corporate arena and I liked it.  I thought I found my place under the sun.  It was also at this time in my life when I had the taste of getting into a romantic relationship.  After 5 years, it almost led into marriage.  But God, in His most creative and unimaginable ways, tested the resiliency of my faith once more. I started to become restless (for the nth time) and felt the deep desire for priesthood again.  After a prayerful discernment and sessions of “quarrel” with God, I had to make the formidable decision of letting go of the beautiful relationship I had with my girlfriend.  It neither was straightforward nor devoid of any complication.  But just the same, I faced it head on!  I chose to re-consider God’s summon to serve Him as an ordained minister.

I moved on re-discovering my real passion. I chose to evolve into a person always ready and willing to take any necessary change that would lead me to my final destination.  More than ever, I became cognizant even to the “writings on the wall”. 

My involvement in the church became stronger and more ardent especially as a youth leader.  I started to see more clearly the many challenges that the church faces especially in the diocese where I now belong.  If as a young boy my attraction to the ordained ministry was shallow and external, in time, it has evolved into something far different from what I could imagine. I have realized that indeed, priesthood transcends rituals and sacraments.  It demands a selfless and matured choice of responding to God’s invitation to be a shepherd of His flock and lead them to be reunited with Him.

It is in this light that I continued my faith journey.  With the guidance of spiritual directors and priest-friends, I started attending “search-in” sessions and vocation discernment seminars with the hope of becoming more enlightened with the choice I made.  More so, my involvement in transformation work, counseling and coaching through RCW Foundation strengthened my desire to serve God and His people more and more.  Everything has been rooted from the conscious desire to LIVE, to LOVE and to SERVE which I consider now as a personal mission.

Confucius, in his version of the ages of man, said, “At 30, I had planted my feet firm upon the ground.”  That is exactly what happened to me.  When I turned 30, I felt that the right time had come for me to finally take the leap of faith and declare my “Fiat” to God.  After all the necessary protocols associated with application for seminary formation, I left for

Rome

in 2005 to pursue my theological studies.  I am now 32.  Next year, please God, I am expecting to be ordained as a deacon.  Then, as a priest, when I return to the

Philippines

in 2009.

Maharishi Mahesh Yogi is right when he said, "Consciousness is the basis of all life and the field of all possibilities. Its nature is to expand and unfold its full potential. The impulse to evolve is thus inherent in the very nature of life."

Without the awareness of my own transitions and evolutions, and integrating their gifts in my being, I would not have discovered the beauty of my own calling… my vocation, which now gives me an authentic and deep source of peace and joy.

Dead Man Walking (On Death Penalty...)

29 April 2007 (Sunday)

Feast of St. Catherine of Sienna

11pm... I just came from our college chapel... from a silent yet very moving encounter with the Divine, shortly after watching Dead Man Walking with my co-seminarians...

Few minutes after, still wrapped with numbness and perplexity, I slowly dragged my feet as I contemplatively walk towards my room in perfect stillness... the air that I breathe seemed too heavy... sigh... another gigantic sigh... the trek to my private sanctuary at the 3rd floor looked endless...

Now before you get mystified about where this lunatic-sounding creature is coming from and conclude that, maybe, we are not well-fed in the seminary, which gives us occasional hallucinations, kindly grant me your kindest permission to explain...

The movie. Dead Man Walking is a film about a very loving and caring nun who received a desperate letter from a death row inmate (Matthew Poncelet) trying to seek help to avoid execution for murder. Over the course of the time to the convict's death, the nun (Sister Helen Prejean) began to show empathy, not only with the pitiable man, but also with the victims and their families. In the end, Sister Helen was caught in a big dilemma of deciding how she would deal with the paradox of caring for that condemned man while understanding the heinousness of his crimes.

This movie by Tim Robbins presents a controversial issue of Death Penalty with an intensely personal look at the people involved in one such case. As Tad Dibbern wrote in a plot summary, "by the portrayal of finely drawn characters and their interactions as the days, hours, and minutes tick down to the condemned man's execution, powerful emotions are unleashed." For me, it was the same nuances of feelings which enveloped me when I watched "The Passion of the Christ", particularly the actual crucifixion scene. In the room where we watched it, I felt for a moment that the oxygen level dropped to an alarming level that, from the corner of my eye, I immediately located the nearest emergency exit just in case. There was a deafening silence as everyone awaited the blow-by-blow account of Matthew's last hours.

The movie powerfully portrayed that while Matthew and Sister Helen desperately tried to gain a wait of execution from the governor or the courts, scenes were inter-cut from the brutal crime, flashbacks gradually revealing the truth about the events that transpired. In addition to different forms of temporal help, the nun primarily gave her all in trying to assist and reach out spiritually with Matthew's salvation in mind.

My view...

Death Penalty. Each story of execution, whether through lethal injection or another procedure, invokes in me a deep sadness. If you have also watched Dead Man Walking or any other related film, you will have an idea of the kind of hurt that leads people to choose retribution over redemption. The families of the victims that choose revenge over forgiveness feel as if they cannot rest until the murderer is also dead, but has more death ever brought closure or justice?

Besides my personal estimation that a family's need for closure is not a good and solid enough reason to take the life of a human being, I am convinced that Christ teaches his followers that only forgiveness will bring healing for these families, not death.

I may, after this blog, stir up some strong sentiments and obtain for myself inevitable criticism/s especially from advocates of justice and friends of victims. But don't get me wrong. As Sister Helen responded, when asked by the prison guard whether she didn't know what the man has done, "What he was involved with was evil. I don't condone it. I just don't see the sense of killing people to say that killing people's wrong."

Every human person is created in the image and likeness of God. Thus, each person's life and dignity must be respected, whether that person is an innocent unborn child, whether that person worked in a posh institution in France or a dirty market in an unknown village in Timbuktu, or whether that person is a convicted criminal on death row.

Every human life is sacred from conception to natural death. Hence, the measure of every institution is whether it protects and respects the life and dignity of the human person.  As a Vatican document points out, "The Church recognizes that while democracy is the best expression of the direct participation of citizens in political choices, it succeeds only to the extent that it is based on a correct understanding of the human person. Catholic involvement in political life cannot compromise on this principle... The democratic structures on which the modern state is based would be quite fragile were its foundation not the centrality of the human person. It is respect for the person that makes democratic participation possible..."

REVENGE will never be synonymous to JUSTICE...

FORGIVENESS brings healing...

I rest my case!

=====================================================================

SOME QUOTES FROM THE MOVIE:

Sister Helen Prejean: You are a son of God.
Matthew Poncelet: [in tears] Thank you. I've never been called a son of God before. [laughs slightly]
Matthew Poncelet: I've been called a son of a you-know-what plenty of times, but I've never been called a son of God. 
--Jhoen c",)

God's Creative Ways

26 April 2007 (2 a.m.)

This week was "pregnant" with a lot of surprises for me... some of which still thrills me upto this very moment even just by pondering on them. Allow me to share with you one of them...

It was a humid Monday evening (23 April), I was busy tinkering on my laptop, when I suddenly got an unexpected message in my Friendster Inbox. Ta-da! I thought to  myself, "Where on earth could it be from this time?... UK?... Manila?... The Netherlands?" XXX! (guessing game error sound effect). Lo and behold!... it was from Southern Philippines.

Below is an excerpt of my new friend's letter (name withheld to maintain confidentiality): 

It has been a while since I last felt like "Jo D' Mango" (incomparable indeed!... he he). Kidding aside, a variety of emotions enveloped my being... sense of surprise, curiosity, contentment, bemusement, etc. etc. But to top them all... disbelief!

So you wonder what I did? Following my instinct at that time, I re-visited my 3rd blog (see Life is a Trip) and, for a moment, wore my non-critical mode hat and slowly placed my feet into the shoes of my new friend. I imagined, If I was just a reader (not the writer) of this blog myself, would this article also make sense to me?... LONG DEEP SILENCE...

The excerpt of my reply:

God can be so creative in his ways. He can simply use "anything" to communicate to us His love & to always make us feel how special we are to Him... Yes, even Friendster.

God speaks to us through our humanity. He knows perfectly our nature because He became one Himself. Hence, He knows exactly the variances of emotions... even when we are "angry" at Him.

Now, if you don't want to call that God's creative ways, kindly help my limited rational mind to describe it for me.

For many years now, I have been adhering to the concepts of "serendipity" & "synchronicity".  As Jim Paredes, my mentor in the life-changing seminar "Tapping the Creative Universe" (TCU) would vividly & graphically illustrates it, all the elements & energies in this universe are inter-linked in some incomprehensible ways which the human mind would never be able to fathom. Yes, we are all connected! Whether we like it or not, every created being in this beautiful world, especially us homo sapiens are like different threads in one big colorful tapestry.

Let me give you another scenario...

On my 32nd birthday last 14 April, as I blew the candle on my cake, one of my prayers was for God to grant me the grace to "expand my territories" (cf. Prayer of Jabez) and thus, be able to travel more & be given further opportunities to proclaim His love to many nations according to the richness of his grace and love. I even enumerated the countries that I hope to visit in the next 2 years of which many are in Europe. One of them is Germany. Some gurus would call this process, "declaring our intentions to the universe."  The universe then listens. If our intentions are in accordance to the 'Great Plan', then all the elements in the universe will conspire for the realization of the intentions. The details then will just follow effortlessly.

So what happened? Just 9 days after my "declaration", again in my Friendster account, I received an invitation from someone for me to add her in my list. She was Cindy, my classmate in the primary grade, who has, according to her, been searching for us her classmates for a long time now. So I excitedly added her. You know where she is now based? Germany! Her message?... (this gave me a goose bumps)... "kailan ka pupunta dito sa Germany?" (when are you coming here to Germany?) GOSH!... Then after a long chat with her, notwithstanding whether I already have the means & resources for it, we then have agreed that I will visit her before the year ends. Let the universe take care of the details. END OF STORY.

Synchronicities?... Coincidences?... Accidents?... JUDGE FOR YOURSELF.

As for me, I am just resolved in calling that GOD'S CREATIVE WAYS!

--Jhoen c",)

Life's a Trip

03 April 2007 (Holy Wednesday)

Life’s a trip. A grand trip with the most exciting twists and turns. 

You can actually add a million other adjectives, prepositions, articles and verbs after the word, “Life,” and all of them will prove to be true at one point or the other.  After all, life is what you make it.  Yes, you. You make your own life.  Life is what YOU make it.

Maybe sometime, somewhere, something painful must have happened to you - which makes this the perfect opportunity to tell you that you are not alone. We are all wounded – perhaps to varying depths and degrees, scarred in different shapes and sizes, but wounded just the same.  There are many others like you who continue to carry excess baggage from the past and hurts from childhood not realizing that lugging all that history and pain around affects the way you live today. Your unresolved issues are getting in the way, blocking your path, making you stumble.  But don’t let your past define your future. You were made for far greater and wonderful things than that.

So let go. 

But first, get real.  Get real with all the pieces of your life, even the broken ones.  Accept your life for what it is – the good, the bad and the ugly.  Acknowledge the many lights and shadows in you.   Then you will see that your broken pieces and your shadows do not diminish your worth.  You will see that the road to healing and wholeness starts by gathering and embracing the shattered you. After all, you can be complete on your own.  The validation and affirmation you are seeking begins with you.  You’ll never feel good enough for other people until you are good enough for yourself.

Everything you need to be happy is within your reach.  Wherever you are is the best place to start.  You can’t start from anywhere else.  The best place to start is here, and the best time to start is now.   People will help you take the first steps.  But they’re just there to help.  In the end, the crucial step to move forward is yours, and yours alone, to take.   

Welcome to the world of self- awareness, personal responsibility and empowerment. 

So stop blaming your parents, your friends, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your elementary and high school classmates, the government, the church, the traffic, the weather, your next door neighbor, or your dog for whatever it is that’s going wrong with your life. The buck stops with you. This is your life.  You are responsible for it.  You decide. You choose. 

Perhaps you are jaded.   Maybe the world has hardened you, taught you how to become mediocre and bitter.  Perhaps it has led you to believe that life is nothing but a tepid, lukewarm experience.  An uphill climb you take one agonizing step after the other.    Perhaps your song is run-down and playing like a broken record.  There is something terribly twisted with that paradigm and we don’t think that’s fair.  (Life is unfair sometimes.   But there are some injustices you don’t have to put up with and this is one of them!) You may have learned to breed negativity in the way you do things and deal with people. You can unlearn it. You don’t have to keep singing the same old tune, you know.  Really.  Life has always been bursting with song.  Maybe you just weren’t listening. 

So maybe sometime after reading this, you can just be. Just you and the universe in a moment of oneness and silence.  If you listen well, you’ll hear it -  the brand new song that’s just for you.  Claim it and start singing it.  Hum it on your way to work.  Whistle it while you shuttle from one place to the next. And if the need arises, sing it from the top of your lungs.  You’ll be surprised.  There are other singers out there, and your voices are blending in perfect harmony! 

When you realize that your main responsibility in life is to be the most glorious and most authentic you, other people will cease to be a threat.  You will stop running scared or angry.  You will, in fact, be free. Then the people around you and the world you live in will reveal themselves for what they are truly are – priceless treasures.

Maybe you’ve loved and lost.  You’ve offered your heart to people, and have had it broken.  Your experiences are your best teachers. They show you what love is, and isn’t. Learn to love with a love that frees and cherishes; that nurtures and creates. To love deeply and to be loved in return for who you really are – these can profoundly change your life and those around you.  The potentials of the self-empowered are limitless.

Do not underestimate your ability to change the world.

You are perfectly capable of living life in its fullness.  The power of transformation is in your hands.  You can learn to deal with life’s blacks and whites, sift through its gray areas, and enjoy all the many vibrant colors in between.  You were born to make this world a better place, and don’t you forget it.

You’ll be amazed what responsible and empowered people can do. You’ll be amazed to see what YOU can do.  You are a multitude of possibilities waiting to happen.  Stop waiting, then! Don’t just sit there.  Life is a verb.  Live it! 

But you don’t have to take my word for it.  Find out for yourself.  After all, this Force is in the very fiber of your being.  Discover it, unleash it and it will blow your mind. 

Our challenge is to walk the talk.   Everyday.  With every person we meet.  Under every circumstance. 

Before life is a burden, it is first a gift.  A very beautiful one, if we might  add.  I believe that with a passion.

Cool, huh?

Like I said, life’s a grand trip.  A great and wonderful journey we are all called to take.

--Jhoen

(Editor: C.Cosico... Thanks!)

Friends are Gifts

15 March 2007

Indeed, friends are treasures bestowed upon us by God to make our earthly journey more colorful.  I can't help but to feel overwhelmed with joy about the fact that, in my last 31 years of existence, I have been abundantly blessed with many many friends, i.e., loving, kind and authentic ones.  It's truly amazing to realize that immediately in the first few hours after I have made this new account, old and new friends** quickly added me to their lists.  Now, we are again reconnected in more ways than one.  This blog is my humble way of honoring them.  Know that I am deeply thankful to God for the gift of you all. Cheers! God bless! c",)

**UPDATE: Now 657 (as of 21 March 2008)

My Friendster Account's Launching

14 March 2007 (1st Blog Entry)

Finally!  It took me several years of waiting and hundreds of pending invitations from friends, relatives, etc. before I finally got convinced to create this friendster account.  Whew... may it be spared from hackers!  My recent travels, like when I attended the recent conferences of my SFC community in Paris & Amsterdam, paved the way for me to re-connect more and more to a lot of my good friends, etc.  Moreover, the desire to update our family tree and to track down the whereabouts of former classmates, co-employees, etc. became stronger in time.  Hence, this account!  My only hope is that, may this worldwide electronic link truly realize those aspirations.